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Ilene’s October 1st Blog
Ilene’s September Blog
The Birth Order Of Children
MR. SCHRAIER

Every actor in Los Angeles needs a “reel,” which is a short collection of video clips of one’s work. This is the actor’s calling card; it is sent around to casting directors, producers or anyone else who wants to see who you are and what you’ve done. I’ve been a terrible slacker in this regard…I’ve never had an acting reel and my career may have suffered for it. When my life-long agent went off on his own to start his own company, I was told in no uncertain terms that it was time to get on it, and get it done. (If you want to see my reel, go to www.ilenegraff.com and click on “Watch Reel.”)

I decided to ask my collaborator Michele’s son Marc to do the editing. He’d done a great job on another project with which I was involved…a huge multi-part video clip presentation for a show I co-produced, and I had great faith in his ability. Marc’s an interesting guy. After a normal happy childhood, he fell head first into the dark hole of adolescence. Drugs claimed many years of his young life and he went through a couple of rounds of hospitalization and rehab in addition to spending time at a kibbutz in Israel. Because of all those efforts, and the unstinting support of his family, he climbed out of the hole and is now living his life in the sunshine.

Marc is a full-time student of anthropology and has been invited to apply to an Ivy League university to finish his degree; he works as a free-lance video editor, has a sweet girlfriend and is sober and serious. I really enjoy working with Marc. He is easygoing, creative, knows his stuff and is eager to please. Because I didn’t know him when he was in trouble, there is no complexity in our relationship. He never hurt or disappointed me. I never feared for his life, or worried about what he was doing to mine. I never had to resent the money spent or the disruption to our family. We are simply professional colleagues who have a job to do and get it done.

Sometimes he’ll talk about guys he knows who are still using. He is understanding, but baffled at their unwillingness to come clean. He has no time for them and no stomach. He knows he wasted years and has some catching up to do.

The other mothers have been through horrible nightmares, and sometimes it feels as if the nightmares will never end. Sometimes they don’t. But many do. Don’t live through the horror alone. Someone will be there for you, and will share in the joy when your child no longer calls the black hole home. One of the rewards for Michele is knowing her boy now makes a great impression on people. I know the Marc of today, not the Marc who was lost in the black hole. The family may be a little bruised from the climb out, but they are grateful because Marc is doing great and will continue to grow up and claim his place in society.

Ilene’s September Blog

We recently had the pleasure of attending the first wedding of one of the kids in our crowd. Our group of children and parents met during pre-school, and stuck together as the children attended the same elementary school. Middle school saw some of the the kids scatter, but we parents stayed together even though our daily lives no longer intersected. And with little in common except their childhood years and the close friendship of their parents, the kids were always delighted to see each other, but didn’t seek each other out.

Our daughter Nikka and the bride, Amanda, have had a sometimes tricky relationship. More like family than friends, they couldn’t be more different. Amanda is a golden child…a blonde, blue-eyed, bubbly, cheerleader. Nikka is exotic, quirky, a fan of the oddball, and was always happier to be with adults who “got” her.

Nikka and Amanda were more comfortable being friends at home than at school. Amanda was popular and cool; Nikka was not. However, at any of our groups’ parties, they were joined at the hip and always slept over either here or at Amanda’s house.

Both of the girls were determined to get what they wanted. From the time she was four, Amanda wanted to get married and have babies. Nikka has always wanted to be a performer, and announced at seven-years-old that she was moving to New York so she could be in Broadway shows and win a Tony.

So, now they are grown and it’s thrilling to see them well on their way to achieving their goals…and being supportive of each other. When Amanda asked Nikka to be her maid-of-honor, Nikka responded by screaming and jumping on top of her friend; they then rolled around on the couch like pre-schoolers, laughing and crying.

It was quite a feat for Nikka to get to the wedding. She lives in New York, where she is a musical theatre performer, and was doing a show during the wedding weekend. Fortunately, there was no performance on Saturday, so she was able to fly in after her Friday show to make the end of the rehearsal dinner, and attend the ceremony on Saturday. Right after the pictures were taken, we drove her to the airport so she could do her Sunday matinee.

There was no way Nikka was going to miss Amanda’s wedding…these young women have a deep bond that transcends being cool, or popular, or quirky. It’s about shared memories, pride in each other’s accomplishments, respect and affection for family, and loyalty.

Our little group of friends is still together, sharing holidays, birthdays, barbeques, and now, weddings. Yesterday’s pre-schoolers are beautiful brides and beaming maids-of-honor. The kids are growing up, moving out, and making their own lives. I have no idea where the time went, but it continues to be a great ride.

This is from an email that goes around from time to time. It still makes me laugh because it’s so true! Enjoy.

THE BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN

Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms
your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the
ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.

Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

Topic: MR. SCHRAIER

I recently had the opportunity to co-produce a tribute show to Richard Schraier, who created the Musical Theatre and Vocal Jazz departments at the Hamilton High School Academy of Music in Los Angeles. After 20 years, 38 full-scale professional quality musicals and too many concerts to count, Rich has retired and is going back to private life. Along with my partners Deb Johnsen, Loanne Hamrin, my husband Ben Lanzarone (who served as Musical Director), and a team of volunteers, we gave Rich something most of us will never experience; a very public acknowledgement of his work and the influence it had on thousands of people.

Rich is a perfectionist and always had high expectations of his students; something many of them hadn’t experienced until they found themselves in his classes. In a society and culture that places so much emphasis on self-esteem, Rich believes that compliments have to be earned, commitments have to be honored, and doing one’s best is the only acceptable effort. When you do all that, self-esteem follows. Did he bruise egos? All the time. Was he the target of disgruntled stage moms or dads who felt their child was slighted in casting? Often. Did he push, prod, annoy, lecture and repeat himself in his efforts to put shows on the stage that would wow not only the families involved, but total strangers who got dragged to a “high school musical”? Yes, yes and yes.

This past Saturday evening, a cast of 65 former and current students gathered to show Rich how much he and his work meant to them. They traveled from as far away as New York (including our daughter Nikka) to demonstrate their gratitude for what and how he taught. They danced and sang their hearts out, professionally and with total joy. The audience of hundreds laughed, cried and leapt to their feet several times during the evening to show their love, support and respect.

The Other Mothers know that teachers often have the most intimate and influential relationship with their children after their families. Nurture that relationship. Honor it. Let that teacher know you appreciate how hard her job is. And if you get the chance, rally the other Other Mothers and Fathers to let the world know about a special teacher. We did, and memories of this past Saturday night will stay with Mr. Schraier and all of us for a very long time to come.

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